Imam Ali (as) says: "Ignore the shortcomings and forgive
the mistakes of others, just as you hope that God will forgive
your crimes and sins." "The best deed of a great man is to
forgive and forget."
3. Creating Perfect Relationships:
A person visited the matchmaker for marriage, and requested
'I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a
suitable one.' The matchmaker said, 'your requirements, please?'
'Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable,
nice talking. Willing to accompany me the whole day at
home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me
interesting stories when I need companion for conversation
and be silent when I want to rest.' The matchmaker
listened carefully and replied, 'I understand you need
television not spouse.'
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found
between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because
the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and
the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife.
Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and
dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately,
when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and
discover that marriage is not a bed of roses.
The nightmare begins.
4. No Overpowering:
Many relationships fail because one party tries to
overpower another, or demands too much.
People in love tend to think that love will conquer all
and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage.
Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which
carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain
or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on
changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and
unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our
expectations.
Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a
prosperous country. One day, he went for a trip to some
distant areas of his country. When he was back to his palace,
he complained that his feet were very painful, because
it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and
the road that he went through was very rough and stony.
He then ordered his people to cover every road of the
entire country with leather.
Definitely, this would need thousands of cows' skin, and
would cost a huge amount of money.
Then one of his wise servants dared himself to tell the king,
"Why do you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money?
Why don't you just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet?"
The king was surprised, but he later agreed to his suggestion,
to make a "shoe" for himself.
There is actually a valuable lesson of life in this story:
to make this world a happy place to live, you better change yourself -
your heart; and not the world.
5. Right Speech:
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that
'a speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.' Many relationships
break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close
with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy.
We may say anything without considering if it would hurt
the other party.
A women and her millionaire husband visited their construction site.
A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, 'Hi, Emily!
Remember me? We were friends in the secondary school.'
On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her,
'Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of
a construction worker.' She answered, 'You should appreciate
that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire
and not you.'
A little girl asked her father, 'How did the human race appear?'
The father answered, 'Allah (SWT) made Adam and Eve and
they had children and so was all mankind made.' Two days later
the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Daddy how is
it possible that you told me the human race was created by Allah (SWT),
and mother said they developed from monkeys?' The father answered,
'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family
and your mother told you about hers.'
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a
bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
6. Personal Perception:
Different people have different perception. One man's meat
could be another man's poison.
Once Luqman (as), The Wise said to his son, "Oh son!
Do not tie your heart in seeking the pleasure of people.
You are not likely to succeed. Do not pay attention to
what people say. Instead tell yourself always to seek
the pleasure of Allah (SWT)."
Luqman (as), The Wise wanted this lesson to be always
remembered and never to be forgotten. He thought of a way.
So, he then told his son to ride a donkey and the son obeyed.
The father followed behind on foot. They traveled in this way
for some distance.
After some distance they came across a group of people.
Seeing the son on the donkey, one of them said,
"What an impolite and bad boy. The old father is walking on foot.
The young son is comfortably riding on the donkey.
This is no manner to show respect to one's father."
Father and son heard this. The son came down from the donkey.
Luqman (as), The Wise rode on the donkey.
After some distance they came across another group of people.
On seeing the father riding the donkey, the elder of the group said,
"Oh you old man! This is not the way to bring up a son.
You make him walk in the hot sun, while you sit comfortably
on the donkey."
Luqman (as), The Wise paid attention to what the people said.
He came down from the donkey. Both father and son walked on foot.
The donkey walked in front. They went a little further.
People seeing them, said, "How foolish you are? You walk
behind a donkey. Why don't you ride it?"
Luqman (as), The Wise and his son once again accepted
what the people said. They both rode the donkey and went further.
They came across a river. There was a bridge to be crossed.
Some people were sitting there. They saw Luqman (as),
The Wise and his son riding the donkey. One of them said,
"It is very unkind and cruel of you two to ride on the poor donkey.
The little animal can hardly take all your burden."
So taking this advice Luqman (as), The Wise and his son dismounted
from the donkey. They traveled a little distance further.
Looking very lovingly Luqman (as), The Wise said to his son,
"You have heard and seen what the people said. It must have
assured you, by now, that whatever you do or whichever way
you move, one is not able to please the people of the world."
You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you.
Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Luqman (as), The Wise pointed at the flowing river and added,
"A person can build a wall across the river. It will stop the flow of
the water. But it is not possible to shut the mouth of the people
from criticism."
Very clearly, similar is the case in our world today. The tongue
has no bone. It can speak even without thought. There are as
many opinions as there are people in the world. It is very bad
to find fault with the other person, especially when he is doing
something good. A person can feel very hurt when he listens to
all the tongues that talk loose. To avoid getting hurt by loose talk,
a person can train himself. He can discipline himself to think.
By thinking he can know what is wrong and void. When a person is
sure that what he is doing will please his Master, Allah (SWT)
the Almighty, then he must never worry what others speak.
Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if your conscience
is clear.
"We must do what we conceive to be the right thing and not
bother our heads or burden our souls with whether we will
be successful. Because if we don't do the right thing,
we will be doing the wrong thing and we will just be a part of
the disease and not a part of the cure." - E. F. Schumacher
7. Be Patient:
This is another story which happened in the States. A man came
out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement,
his three-year-old son was happily picked stone and scratched lines
on the side of the truck. In his anger, the man ran to his son,
knocked him away. And took the little boy's hands and hit it
many times as punishment, not realizing he was using a wrench.
When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones,
he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the little boy's hands.
When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs,
he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked,
"But when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father was so hurt.
He went back to truck and kicked it a lot of times. Sitting back he
looked at the scratches, little boy wrote "I LOVE YOU DAD."
Later then committed suicide.
Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or
you wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience
with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and
hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the
difference between the person and the performance.
We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes,
because we human beings are not perfect. But the actions
we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
It takes 72 muscles to frown - only 14 to smile! So keep smiling,
